I just made out with a guy for $7.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
