I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
