I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So. Much. Porn.
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