I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
