it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
