now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
