if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize