Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
