...so i touched it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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