dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
