3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
