They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
