You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
