he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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