So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
