You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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