the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
