I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Randomize
