Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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