Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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