soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
