You smell like stripper and shame
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
