I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize