if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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