OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
