do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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