u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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