Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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