I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
