? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
