Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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