im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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