I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
