chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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