You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize