I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
