This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
