Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
