i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
