trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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