did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
