Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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