i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
