In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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