So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
