No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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