He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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