Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
