Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
