census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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