tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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