shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
