I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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