I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize