Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
