thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
