I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
