I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
