6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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