If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
