No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
