I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
