So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
