sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
