There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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