that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
