Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
