Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
