come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
