ya dads aren't the best wingmen
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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