If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
