dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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