just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
