Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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