you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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