I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
