I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
